I can’t cook. Whenever I dare to venture into the kitchen bad things happen. And I always (ALWAYS!) hurt myself. Or break something expensive. I’ve long since resigned myself to not possessing the necessary cool to stand the heat in the kitchen, but I do love watching cooking shows. I mean… Nigella Lawson, Padma Lakshmi… Hello! I may not be in touch with my inner domestic goddess, but I do have eyes in my head.

The latest addition to the Women-In-Food-I-Adore Collection in my head is Monica Galleti. She appears as a judge on the BBC’s MasterChef The Professionals and I was gutted when I googled her and discovered she wasn’t a lesbian. Not because I think every hot woman should be a lesbian (which I actually do think, but hey, I can make everyone a lesbian in my stories so no worries), but simply because after seeing her in action for about five minutes I was convinced that she was. I hate it when my gaydar tricks me. I blame the inaccuracy of TV.

Lesbian or not, Monica is severely hot in a stealth butch kind of way. She looks like the type of woman who could even teach me how to boil an egg without burning my fingers. I’m also considering introducing a chef character in one of my next short stories. I feel so inspired.

Are there wall posters available of this shot, Monica? I need one for my kitchen.

Nice attempt at a smile, Monica.

But from what I’ve seen you’re much better at scowling.

You look very good in your chef’s whites, Monica.

But if you ever do decide to change careers… this look isn’t half bad either.