Harper Bliss

Lesbian fiction

PREVIEW: The Love We Make

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The Love We Make by Harper Bliss

The Love We Make will be available in ebook and paperback on 18 January 2023. The audio, narrated by Abby Craden, will follow a few months later.

Available as ebook from:
– Amazon US
– Amazon UK
– Amazon CA
– Amazon AU
– Amazon DE
– Other Amazon Stores

Here’s a preview. Enjoy!

The Love We Make
© Harper Bliss

CHAPTER ONE
NORA

I’ve just read the final line of today’s table read, but my performance—the performance of me—isn’t over until I get out of here.

“Great job everyone,” Jo, our showrunner, says. “Stella,” she addresses my co-star. “I just want to make sure you—”

Jo’s interrupted by a loud knock on the door. Before anyone can reply, the door opens. After three decades in this business, it’s no surprise to me. Too many TV executives believe every closed door is always open for them—and that’s hardly the worst of it.

We all look at the door, at the person so out of touch with the creative process of making television that they interrupt with no qualms.

I am surprised that the intruder is a woman. I’d say she’s late fifties, but I’m fifty-one and, even though she doesn’t look old, she’s definitely older than me. Or maybe she hasn’t had as much Botox.

She has that air of importance executives in this business like to carry around with them, as if to say: I’m here now, so you’d better stop whatever it is you’re doing, even if that’s the slow, difficult process of making art.

Her raven black hair is shoulder-length, her heels impressively high for a woman older than me. Her suit is high-end and stark white. Her makeup flawless. Everything about her screams money.

Jo jumps out of her chair.

“Ms. St James,” she says. “You’re a little early.”

“Am I?” Ms. St James shrugs. “Maybe you’re running late.” It doesn’t sound like a question. She plasters on a practiced smile.

Jo turns to us and gives an eye roll. “Everyone, please meet Michelle St James.”

“Thanks, Jo.” Michelle St James widens her smile. The crinkles around her eyes deepen. Definitely not a fan of Botox then—maybe to her credit. “Sorry for interrupting.” If this is what sorry looks like, I might have to revise how my character acts apologetic on the show we’re trying to make. “Please, continue. Pretend I’m not here.”

“That’s okay,” Jo says. “We were as good as done.” Way to stand your ground, Jo.

“Wow,” Stella mutters under her breath. “Who is this woman that’s got Jo all whipped?”

I lean in so that I am close to her ear. “The money,” I whisper.

“I wanted to stop by while you’re all gathered here to introduce myself. I’m the new CEO at Gloves Off Productions. I’m replacing Gerry, for reasons I’m sure you’re all aware of.” Her gaze drifts along the table, but doesn’t land anywhere. “I’m a very hands-on boss, absolutely no pun intended.” A touch of warmth reaches her smile. “Making television is my life, and this show is one of our company’s biggest assets. This means I’ll be around much more than my predecessor. I like to know what’s happening on my sets.” My sets? Also, doesn’t she have better things to do with her precious time? Crunch some numbers? Analyze some data? Count her money?

“Ms. St James will be an executive producer this season,” Jo chimes in. Her tone is as tense as her face. I’m guessing she didn’t get a choice in the matter. But who am I to complain? This is only Unbreak My Heart’s third season and both Stella and I are getting producer credits already.

A couple of the actual producers—the people who put in all the grunt work—shuffle in their seats. But this is how things go. Hollywood has never been a fair town and showbiz has never been a fair business based only on merit. Still, it’s odd for the CEO of the production company to demand this kind of role. I wonder if she’ll become executive producer on all the shows her company produces.

“I adore this show so it’s a great honor and privilege,” Michelle says. Her eyebrows twitch lightly as she locks her gaze on Jo for a second.

“Oh, yes.” Jo shoots Stella and me an apologetic smile before continuing. “Ms. St James would like to invite the leads to lunch.”

Before we can possibly protest, Jo says, “Today.”

Excuse me? Who does Michelle St James think she is to just rock up here and overhaul our schedules like this? As if there’s nothing to it? As if when she says jump, our only option is to ask how high?

“Sure,” Stella says, as expected. She’s the kind of person who doesn’t mind an impromptu change of schedule. Luckily, I’ve been around long enough to know that a carefully planned day is as much an illusion as the stories we tell on screen. It still irks me, though, that this woman can just waltz in here under the guise of wanting to meet us, when she’s clearly looking to throw around her weight.

“Of course.” I send her the fakest smile from my vast repertoire. “I’d be delighted.”

“Wonderful. I look forward to it.” Michelle St James turns on her stilettos and saunters out of the room.

“Way to make an entrance,” Stella says, reaching for her phone.

“Don’t you want to get home?” I ask.

Stella shakes her head. “One tiger mama is enough for my baby boy.” She scrolls through a few pictures that her partner, Kate, has sent while her phone was on silent. “Be still my heart. Will you look at this, Nora?” She thrusts the phone in my face. To me, it doesn’t look all that different from the gazillion pictures of Silas I’ve already had to admire.

“Adorable.” Stella’s son is cute, no matter how many times a picture of him is shoved into my face.

She puts her phone away. “Looks like we’re having lunch together.”

I can’t suppress a sigh. My dogs, although always pampered in my absence, are waiting for me at home. So is the poké bowl I like to eat for lunch, prepared by Ricky exactly the way I like it. And my soft couch, where I like to unwind after emotionally exhausting meetings like this one, with three warm furry bodies on top of me. It will have to remain empty while I listen to whatever Michelle St James has to say.

 

CHAPTER TWO
MIMI

“I’m serious, ladies,” I say. “I’m not just blowing smoke up your backsides. I’m thrilled to have this job and the opportunity to work with you. Unbreak My Heart has been such a breath of fresh air on my TV screen.” I lift my glass of cucumber water. “The three of you are a match made in heaven.” I am blowing a bit of smoke up their—very shapely, but I can’t say that out loud—behinds. It’s what you do in this town. It’s how you get overindulged people to fall in line—that and deep pockets.

“It’s been a dream come true for me from day one,” Stella Flack says. “All thanks to this one.” She points at Nora Levine. “If it wasn’t for Nora, I would never have gotten the part.”

“Really?” That’s the first I’ve heard of this. Why don’t I know this?

“Oh yes!” Stella is enjoying that glass of Chablis with gusto. “Nora changed my life.” She takes another sip.

“Let’s not exaggerate.” Nora’s features have been tight since we got to the restaurant.

“It’s not an exaggeration,” Stella says. “I didn’t get a callback until you specifically requested me, Nora.”

“Stella was rejected?” I turn to Jo.

“Water under the bridge,” Jo says. Apart from creative masterminds, showrunners also have to be excellent diplomats. “We’re here now, on the cusp of season three, ready to make another batch of episodes of our wonderful show.”

“Sorry for the delay, boss.” Stella winks at Jo.

“Being a mother of four myself, I want to assure you we’ll make every accommodation,” I say. “I want that to be absolutely clear.”

“I already made the hiatus much longer than it ought to have been.” Stella flashes us a wide smile.

“You had a baby. You never have to apologize for that to anyone.” I put down my fork. “Otherwise, you might as well apologize for being a woman and why on earth would you do that?”

“Hear! Hear!” Stella locks her gaze on me. “You’re a woman after my own heart, Michelle St James.”

“Call me Mimi, please.”

“Four kids, huh, Mimi. Damn! Respect,” Stella says.

“They’re all grown now. My youngest is twenty-six and a huge fan of yours, Nora.” I face Nora, hoping to melt some of her iciness. “He must have watched every single episode of High Life a dozen times by now. Even though when your show first aired, he was only seven or eight, but his sisters were so into it. In fact, my entire family is a bit nuts about you.”

“Aw.” Nora’s not the most engaging conversationalist. In her defense, she must get this a lot. Maybe it’s one of the reasons she’s such a recluse.

“I’d love to bring him on set once you start shooting.” Austin’s already such a mama’s boy. If I can arrange for him to meet Nora Levine, he may move back in with me—not that I would want him to.

“I’m sure we can make that happen,” Jo says, because Nora’s hardly forthcoming.

“I’d love to meet your son,” Nora says eventually. “Please, excuse me.” She dons her oversized sunglasses and gets up. Even stars like Nora need to use the bathroom.

I wisely refrain from asking Stella and Jo whether Nora’s always this cranky.

“Nora’s a very private person,” Jo offers. “It’s a miracle she said yes to this project, even though I wrote the part of Jessie specifically for her. I had zero guarantees she would go for it, but once she did, by Hollywood standards, everything moved really fast.”

“Some scripts are impossible to ignore.” This, I mean from the bottom of my heart. “Unbreak My Heart is funny without being obvious. The characters are so real, they could very well be sitting in this restaurant with us.”

“Nah. They don’t make enough money to come here,” Stella says drily. I like her. She’s a lot like Megan, her character on Unbreak My Heart. Unlike Nora, who’s nothing like sweet, caring, down-to-earth Jessie. Although Jessie’s quite edgy and she’s got many a flaw as well.

Nora returns to the table just as our meals are served.

“Tell me all about your little boy,” I say to Stella, taking the easy route of conversation. I’ll work on Nora later, when she’s in a better mood.

Stella shows me pictures of her son—and her gorgeous partner, Kate, while she’s at it—while regaling me with tales of all the amazing things a six-month-old can accomplish. It’s been so long, I seem to have forgotten what my kids were up to in their first years of existence. As far as I can remember, all they did was cry, eat, and get their diapers changed.

From the corner of my eye, I try to keep track of Nora’s reactions. She picks at her salad, not eating very much of it at all. It’s obvious she’d rather be anywhere but here. I make a mental note to try and clear the air with her—if that’s even possible—as quickly as I can.

After we’ve finished our meal, Stella says, “Let’s do a thing at my house soon. I’m emerging after having created another person. I have the extreme need to be seen as something else than just my baby’s mother. Did you experience this, Mimi?”

“Honestly, I don’t remember. I always worked, though, bar a few months after each birth. Some women don’t need to work, and no judgment on my part—every woman should do exactly as she pleases—but I needed a life outside of my family. Always have.” I fix my gaze on Stella. “But I’d love to see your house. Your partner’s an interior designer, isn’t she?” I might have missed a few tidbits, but I’ve done my homework on Stella and Nora.

Stella nods. “Yep.”

“Their house is absolutely gorgeous,” Nora says.

“So gorgeous, in fact, Nora has actually visited it more than once,” Stella quips. “How many times have you deigned to leave swanky Bel Air to come to our house, Nora?” Stella pretends to do some difficult math, counting on her fingers. “Four… five times in all the time we’ve been working together?”

“We hang out on set all the time,” Nora says. “I fail to see why we have to hang out after hours too.” The grin on her face looks genuine enough.

“If by hanging out on set you mean we’re each holed up in our own trailers, then sure.” There’s not a hint of malice in Stella’s tone, and I get the sense this is how things really are.

“We all have our own process.” This is the most I’ve heard Nora talk since we sat down to lunch. “Mine is much more inward than yours.”

Stella grins at Nora and a short silence ensues. I happily fill it.

“I’d love to visit you at home,” I repeat.

“Great. I’ll set it up. Kate will be thrilled to meet you. And to see you again, Nora.” They’re not done bantering yet. Nora doesn’t seem perturbed by her co-star’s teasing. Maybe it’s their thing and they do this all the time as a means to defuse some of the inevitable on-set tension.

“Don’t forget to invite your mother,” Nora says.

“Granted, my family are a bit much.” Stella shrugs. “But I didn’t get to pick them.”

“Maybe you and Kate can tell Mimi all about how you got together.” Nora seems very pleased with herself for making that remark.

“Oh, fuck.” Stella chuckles. “We’ve only just met. Let’s have some boundaries.”

I don’t remember reading anything about how Stella Flack met her partner when I did my research. It must be quite the story if Nora is taking such pleasure in referencing it.

What is clear to see, however, is why Stella and Nora are such a great match on screen.

“When is this party?” I ask. “Because I can’t wait.”

<<End of preview>>

The Love We Make will be available on Wednesday 18 January 2023 from AMAZON ONLY.

PREVIEW: A Family Affair

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A Family Affair by Harper Bliss

A Family Affair will be available in ebook and paperback on 17 August 2022. The audio, narrated by Abby Craden, will follow a few months later.

Pre-order:
– Direct from me
– Amazon

Here’s a preview. Enjoy!

A Family Affair
© Harper Bliss

CHAPTER ONE
KATE

Even though I designed every gorgeous detail of this place, I don’t want to live here. I’m almost forty and I’m moving into my mother-in-law’s pool house. This was not how things were meant to go.

“Do you need a hand?” Stella shouts from her lounge chair by the pool.

When I glance back at her, she hasn’t even looked up from the script she’s studying—lest anyone in this family forget she’s auditioning for a big part alongside Nora Levine in a few days.

“Here you go, babe.” Kevin hands me a bottle of water. “It’s only for a few weeks.” He squeezes my shoulder. “Our house will be ready and beautiful in no time. Trust me.”

I want to trust my husband so very badly. I want to trust him with the same passion I felt when I said ‘I do’ at our wedding. But so much has happened—and hasn’t happened—since that day.

“I’m not asking again,” Stella shouts.

“We’ve barely moved in,” I hiss at Kevin, “and already your sister’s getting on my nerves with her entitled ways.”

“Cut her some slack,” Kevin says, predictably. “She’s preparing for—”

“No need to say it.” I take a deep breath. “And I’m sorry.” None of this is Stella’s fault, although she’s still a spoiled brat, convinced, as she has been since the first day I met her, that her big break is just around the corner.

“I’m going by the house one last time to pick up the rest of our stuff.” Kevin pecks me on the cheek. “Try to get settled in.” He flashes me a grin. “Or hang out with my lovely little sister by the pool.”

I roll my eyes and sigh, but none of that makes any difference to my current situation. I glance at Stella, who is talking to herself, running lines, as though she’s all alone in her mother’s backyard.

“I hope I’m not bothering you too much,” I say, just to vent my frustration.

“You could never bother me, Kate.” Stella puts down the script and pushes herself up. Her smile looks genuine enough. She knows why we’re here. Perhaps she’s not so self-absorbed that she can’t muster a smidgen of compassion for her brother and his barren wife. “It’s great that you and Kev are staying here. The more, the merrier, now that Mom has moved Keanu in.”

I walk over and sink into the chair next to hers. “As long as you don’t expect me to make you dinner.”

Stella shakes her head. She fixes her gaze on me but remains silent. Her shirt has fallen open and all she’s wearing underneath is a skimpy bikini.

“Just a heads-up,” Stella says after a few seconds. “Keanu’s cooking us a big family dinner tonight.” Keanu is not Mary’s boyfriend’s real name, but Stella has taken to calling him that because of his resemblance to Keanu Reeves in his Point Break days, laid-back surfer vibes included. “That should be fun.” To say that Stella doesn’t approve of her mother’s choice of partner is an understatement—probably because she has to share her mom’s attention. But I say, good for Mary. And Keanu—whose real name is Nathan—is very easy on the eye.

“That sounds like fun, actually,” I say.

“Kevin’s not too crazy about him either, you know.”

“I know.” But Kevin’s mature enough to not let it show every time he gets the chance. Kevin respects his mother enough to just let her be happy with whomever she wants to be with. But that’s too much to ask from the likes of Stella, who still lives at home at twenty-eight because she claims she can’t afford her own place until she gets that ‘big break’. While LA rent is steep, Stella could move out if she really wanted to, but she’s too spoiled at Mary’s. Case in point, she’s rehearsing pool-side for her upcoming audition. 

“How’s that going?” I nod at the script because I don’t feel like talking about Nathan behind his back any longer. If that means indulging Stella, then that’s what I’ll do. At least that way, I also don’t have to talk about myself, and the reason Kev and I ended up here.

“I’ve never been so nervous in my life.” Stella sounds pretty confident to me. “Not even when I had to kiss Faye Fleming.”

I try not to roll my eyes and, despite myself, giggle like a teenage girl at the mention of Faye’s name. The urge to giggle wins out because I’ve always had a soft spot for Faye Fleming and my irritating sister-in-law got to play her lesbian lover on screen—a fact she likes to remind me of every chance she gets.

If it was anyone else, I’d offer to run lines with her, but this is Stella, Kevin’s exasperating little sister, and today of all days, I can’t bring myself to do it.

“I’m sure you’ll smash it,” I say on a sigh.

“Hey, Kate.” Stella’s voice goes all mellow. “Are you okay? Today’s pretty rough, I bet.”

I run a hand through my hair and take a deep breath. “Kev just really wants to do this. To create some sort of impossible clean slate. To give us a different house to return to after…” It’s still hard to say, but Stella knows.

“That’s Kev. He needs to be busy. He needs to build something. It’s how he processes.”

I nod.

“How are you… processing?” Stella asks.

I’m not, so I just shrug.

The touch of Stella’s hand on my shoulder startles me. “Faye and Ida are hosting a cast party the day after the movie premieres next week. Would you like to be my plus-one?”

“Faye Fleming and Ida Burton?”

“Yes.” Stella flashes me a big smile. Maybe she’s not as bad as I thought. Maybe I’ve been too caught up in my own struggles to give my sister-in-law the benefit of the doubt.

“You want to take me to their party?” Incredulously, I bring a hand to my chest.

“I sure do.” She looks at me in a way that allows me to see, maybe for the first time since I met her, that Stella Flack could be a movie star in her own right. She has the kind of commercial smile that dazzles Hollywood executives, and the girl-next-door-with-a-little-extra air about her that moviegoers can’t resist.

“Hell, yes!” I shout. “Thank you so much.”

“That’s what family’s for,” Stella says. “To make each other feel better.”

 

CHAPTER TWO
STELLA

I’ve yet to meet anyone more intelligent than my mother. She has built the most outrageous architectural marvels all over the world, yet she can’t pick a suitable man to save her life. I get what she sees in Keanu, though. He’s eye candy. A gorgeous man on her arm when she goes to a cocktail party. Like a trophy wife in reverse—and thank goodness they aren’t married. Sure, Keanu’s hot, but he would be. He’s barely older than me. One year and seven days to be exact. He could be a guy I hang out with at one of those achingly hip East Hollywood hotspots. All he’s missing, really, is a man bun. Instead, his hair is suavely draped along his cheeks, nineties style, so he can tuck it behind his ears with one of those cute gestures Mom goes crazy for—I know because she has told him so in front of her own children, one of whom is older than him.

The whole situation is infuriating, but as my brother put it not so long ago when I was off on a long rant against Keanu again: I don’t have to live here. I could get a place of my own, which might allow me to deal with my mother’s toy boy better. I wouldn’t have to see him in the morning wearing only his boxers, pecs all taut and biceps perfectly sculpted. But this is my house, too. I grew up here. I’ve lived here all my life, and as far as I’m concerned, Keanu is the intruder, so he should be the one to leave.

Mom walks to the dining table. “Darling,” she says while grabbing me gently by the shoulders before planting a kiss on my cheeks. “Just so we’re clear. I’m bringing Nathan to your big premiere next week.”

I’m of half a mind to wiggle myself out of her impromptu embrace, but the mention of the movie I have a small but not insignificant part in softens me. My mother knows how to play me. She raised me. She knows better than anyone which buttons to push.

“Guess who scored an invite to the after party at Faye Fleming and Ida Burton’s?” Kate all but screams. She points both of her thumbs at her well-shaped chest. “Moi!” Totally out of character, she blows me a kiss. I’m well aware my sister-in-law isn’t my biggest fan, but she and my brother have been through a lot. Life hasn’t been going their way and they’re family.

“Wow.” Mom gives my shoulder a squeeze. “You’re not taking Hayley? She’ll be upset.”

“Hayley’s not my girlfriend. I don’t have to take her everywhere I go.”

“Fair enough,” Mom says, before a short silence falls.

“My mom still plays old Lady Kings records all the time,” Keanu says, clearly not caring how that refocuses the attention on his scandalously young age. 

How does Keanu’s mother feel about her son dating a woman almost twice his age? I scan Mom’s face for distress at Keanu mentioning his mother but find none. All the qualms that she doesn’t have about their affair, I have a thousandfold.

“I hope Kevin can make it.” Mom checks her watch ostentatiously. She can deal with just about anything, except for people being late, especially to a dinner her boyfriend cooked. She follows up with a sigh. 

We all know Kev’s going to be late because he got sucked into the remodel of his and Kate’s house—which is already perfect because he and my mother designed it—and lost track of time. Because, right now, it’s the only thing that makes him forget he’s not going to be a dad—at least not any time soon, or maybe never. For that same reason, Mom has already forgiven him for being late.

I eye Kate. She seems resigned to the fact Kevin’s not here. That he said he was going by the house to pick up some stuff three hours ago and still hasn’t returned. That he’s leaving her to deal with her feelings about all of this on her own. That’s my brother for you. But he’d better make it to my premiere, although if he didn’t, I’d have to forgive him for that instantly as well.

“I can’t believe I’m going to meet Faye Fleming.” Kate has her own way of dealing with her emotions, so it seems. Although she has always been very vocal about being ‘gay for Faye’. “I think it’s only now sinking in that you played her lover.” She fixes her gaze on me.

I smile at her, then run a fingertip over my lips. “These lips were on Faye’s.” I love nothing more than putting on a show, than being the center of attention, and this family needs all the distraction it can get right now. Maybe that’s why my mom has always supported my dream of becoming an actor. We already had enough left-brained, ultra-serious people in our family.

Kate plays along and clasps her hands to her mouth. “Stop right there, Stella. Don’t tease me like that.”

“Can’t wait to see your movie, darling.” Mom sits there grinning. She has always been such a good sport about everything. I should really try to return the favor when it comes to Keanu—to Nathan—but it’s hard. I’m probably not mature enough yet. Besides, my bedroom’s on the same floor as hers, and I’m not deaf. I hear things a daughter’s ears should never be subjected to. I should have moved into the pool house as soon as she brought Keanu home, but that’s no longer an option now.

“It’s hardly my movie, Mom.” My voice drips with false modesty. My part as queer rock legend Lana Lynch’s much younger lover may be small—Cleo Palmer hasn’t been with Lana long enough to get a lot of screen time in a movie about her life—but it’s big in its own way. Cleo is nothing less than Lana’s redemption. And I got to kiss Faye Fleming. If that’s the only thing my sister-in-law can respect me for, I’ll take it.

“Still, I can’t wait to see you play an older woman’s much younger girlfriend,” Mom says, while draping an arm around Nathan.

“Touché,” Kate adds.

I can hardly say the movie’s fiction. It’s a biopic based on Lana Lynch’s life, and there’s nothing fictionalized about it. “Fine. I’m a hypocrite.” I throw up my hands in supplication. But it’s not the same when it’s your mother. Lana Lynch doesn’t have children. All things I can’t say out loud, but are all nothing but the truth.

“Do you all know I’m auditioning for this super-hyped Nora Levine project next week?” I’d rather they mock me for my self-absorbed ways than for my inability to accept Nathan into our family.

“It’s hard to forget, darling,” Mom says.

Kate just sighs one of her more spectacularly disdainful sighs.

The only one who shoots me an encouraging smile is my would-be stepdad, Nathan.

<<End of preview>>

A Family Affair will be available on Wednesday 17 August 2022 from AMAZON ONLY.

If you don’t want to buy the book from Amazon, you should get it directly from me BEFORE 17 AUGUST here >>

PREVIEW: The Duet

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The Duet by Harper Bliss

The Duet will be out on 4 May 2022.

You can pre-order the ebook here >>

Here’s a preview. Enjoy!

The Duet
© Harper Bliss

CHAPTER ONE
LANA

To do any of this without Joan by my side is like doing it with a limb cut off, or worse, a torn vocal cord. I only feel like half a person. Like the better part of me is still missing. Our new single is called “The Better Part of Me” for a reason.

“I’m so stoked,” Billie says. “Let’s do this.”

The Lady Kings recruited Billie as Joan’s replacement almost a year ago. I should be used to her by now. I am in some ways, but in many others, she will never be Joan. The best guitarist to ever walk this earth, in my ultra-biased opinion, with the nimblest of fingers—and I should know.

What distance remains between Billie and me will soon be obliterated by the tour we’re about to embark on. A two-month cross-country journey will do that to you. All boundaries are about to be shattered. But first, we’re checking out our support band, The Other Women, and the show they’ll be opening with every night. They’d better bring it. I haven’t come to watch a rehearsal. The Lady Kings are here to experience a proper performance.

Our tour manager, Andy, greets us at the entrance of the Hollywood Bowl. The first concert of The Lady Kings reunion tour—if you want to call it that—will be a home game. I can’t even remember how many times we’ve played this venue. For The Other Women, I think it might be the first. I try to remember my first time on this particular stage, but it’s too long ago. Too many years have passed and too many things have happened since. Like our guitarist dying.

Most of the crew are here. Some have been with us for decades; some I will get better acquainted with soon enough.

We’ve only settled into our seats when there is movement on the stage. They don’t want to keep us waiting. Good. My expectations are high and low at the same time. I wouldn’t have picked The Other Women as our opening act myself, but according to everyone at our record company, it makes perfect sense. Truth be told, I don’t even know why we need an opening act at all. We’re The Lady Kings, for crying out loud. When I come on, the crowd goes from cold to hot in a split second. I’ve always known how to light up an audience. It’s what I do. It’s what I’m good at. But times change and The Lady Kings haven’t toured for over ten years.

So, here we are. Poised for The Other Women. We’re not coming into this cold. We’ve watched their clips on YouTube. We’ve had their songs on repeat on Spotify. We’ve pored over their pictures and bios.

Roy, our manager since we started out in the early nineties, said, “Fact is, you may need them more than they need you.”

“We’ll see about that,” Deb, our drummer, replied.

“I’m feeling my age.” Sam, our bass player, is looking at the stage as The Other Women take their places. “How old are these kids again?”

“Twenty-something,” Billie says. “With an enormous fan base.”

“Evening,” the lead singer says into the mic, only to be met with an ear-piercing wave of reverb. She steps back and waits until she gets a thumbs-up from one of the sound techs. “Let’s try that again.” If she’s intimidated by having all current members of The Lady Kings and their entourage staring at her from the front row of an otherwise empty Hollywood Bowl, she hides it well. “It’s an honor to play for such rock royalty tonight. Thank you for taking us on tour with you. We promise not to let you down.”

“Polite as well,” Sam mumbles in my ear. “I didn’t know they still made young people like that.”

“Certainly politer than we were at their age,” Deb says.

I let them talk and keep my gaze trained on Cleo Palmer, lead singer of The Other Women. We look nothing alike, yet she reminds me of myself many moons ago, when The Lady Kings took the music world by storm. When audiences couldn’t get enough of us. When security guards had to form a human shield around us after every show so we could get from the stage door onto the tour bus without being grabbed by delirious fans. Long bygone days.

Our fans have aged with us and, so I’ve been told, these days, meet and greets with the band are official add-ons when you buy a ticket for the show. I’ll be curious to see how that goes once the tour starts.

“You may know this first song,” Cleo says. “It’s called ‘Like No One Else.’”

“No fucking way,” Sam says.

“The nerve of these kids,” Deb adds.

“They reel you in with their seemingly polite ways,” Billie says.

I have to laugh at their brazenness. “Like No One Else” is only The Lady Kings’ most iconic song. Our biggest hit. And our support act are starting their set with a cover version. I’m not sure whether to be flattered or offended.

“This better be good,” someone from the crew shouts.

The Other Women respond by playing the first chords of our song.

“Are they even all women?” I hear someone say behind me. “That bass player doesn’t look like a woman to me. Come to think of it, that drummer…”

A female voice shushes them—even when you’re in an all-female band, the men around you still need to be told to shut up sometimes.

I barely notice the bassist or the drummer, or The Other Women’s guitarist, who lays down a mean riff Joan would have approved of. My eyes are glued exactly where they’re supposed to be. I’m getting confirmation of what I’ve known since I was introduced to The Other Women. Cleo Palmer was born for the stage. I couldn’t look away if I wanted to. Her presence, the way she uses her voice, how her body writhes against the microphone stand, the dramatically held high note at the end of the chorus. It’s all there and it commands all my attention.

There’s no denying it. Cleo Palmer is a star. Maybe Roy was right. Maybe we’re the lucky ones getting to tour with them and not the other way around.

By the time the song ends, they’ve already won over every person in tonight’s small audience.

“Fuck. They’re good,” Billie says.

“They are,” I confirm, as an idea sprouts in my head. If we’re going to be touring with The Other Women, with someone like Cleo Palmer, we might as well make good use of them.

 

CHAPTER TWO
CLEO

Opening our show with The Lady Kings’ biggest hit was a bold move. But I didn’t get into this business to be a good girl and only do what is expected of me. On the contrary. And boy, was it a thrill to look into Lana Lynch’s face as I sang the hell out of that song. I’ve had years of practice. When we formed our band, it was the first song we taught ourselves to play—although this is the first time we’ve played it in front of an audience. I hope Lana was impressed.

I cast her one last glance as I let the final note of our set die in my throat. We’re no longer used to playing for such a tiny audience, but they make up for it by giving us a massive applause. Lana holds her hands above her head as she claps for us. Did she just give me a nod of approval? I’m about to find out.

“Thank you. It was such a pleasure. Can’t wait to play here again in a few days.” I tap two fingers to my forehead in a salute and head off the stage.

Backstage, I’m joined by my bandmates.

“That was so tight,” Daphne says. “You smashed it.” I exchange a high-five with our guitarist. Tim and Jess follow hot on her heels.

“Do you think we impressed them?” Judging by the smirk on Tim’s face, it’s not a question.

“Fuck, yeah.”

“Cleo?” I turn around. “Lana would like a word,” Roy, The Lady Kings’ manager, says. “Whenever you have a minute.”

“The King wants to see you,” Daphne says. “Best not keep her waiting.”

“Argh,” Jess groans. She’s had a crush on Lana Lynch forever.

“Come with me,” I offer.

Jess huffs out some air. “We’re going on tour with them. I’m sure I’ll get my moment with Lana.”

“Go,” Tim says. “You must have dazzled the fuck out of her.”

I follow Roy to the front stage where Lana is surrounded by the other members of her band. This won’t be a solo audience then.

“Way to go,” The Lady Kings’ new guitarist, Billie, says, and gives me a thumbs-up.

“Can I steal you for a minute?” Even when she speaks, Lana’s voice is low and gravelly.

“Of course.”

“How daring.” We walk up a few steps. “To kick off with ‘Like No One Else.’”

“It’s a tribute, of course.” When I’m talking to Lana Lynch, I don’t care if I sound like the ultimate fangirl—all of us in the band would cite The Lady Kings as one of our defining influences.

“You did it justice, and it gave me an idea.” Lana leans against a bench.

“Thanks.” It’s still surreal that we’ll be touring with our idols. We were gearing up for a headline tour with our own support act, but we happily gave up on that for a chance to tour with the Kings. All four of us, unanimously, in a heartbeat.

“You might have heard of this duet I’ve done with Isabel Adler,” Lana says.

“Your long-awaited comeback single.” I’m trying to keep my cool. I’ve only had ‘I Should Have Kissed You’ on repeat since it was released—not something I would ever have expected of a song featuring Isabel Adler. “I love it.”

“Yeah, so… on the tour, how about you and I sing it together?” Lana fixes her dark gaze on me.

“For real?”

“Yeah.” She bats her lashes once.

“Sure, I mean, if you think that I’m up to that.” There’s not a lot left of my earlier bravado.

“Good.” She plunges her hands into her pockets. “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t think you were up to it.”

“Okay. Thanks. Yes, let’s do it.”

“We should get some serious rehearsal time in. The tour kicks off in three days. I need to talk to the band, but I was thinking we could add it as the last encore. Send people home with some good vibes.”

Some good lesbian vibes, I almost say, but catch myself. Although I don’t know why. Surely, I could say something like that to Lana. But I don’t know her all that well—yet.

“Sure,” I say, instead of all the things I’m thinking. I can hardly blame myself for this starstruck moment. Lana Lynch and The Lady Kings are rock legends and my band are not only going to be opening the show for them; I’m actually going to be on stage with Lana.

“Can you come to my house tomorrow?” If Lana’s excited by this at all, she’s not letting on. Then again, she’s known for being cool as a cucumber under the hottest circumstances. “We’ll do a few run-throughs without the band first. See how our voices match.” Sounds as though Lana’s got this all figured out without talking to the other members of The Lady Kings.

“Of course. Just let me know when and I’ll be there.” Never mind that I have a million little things to take care of before we leave town for two months. I’ll just do them in less time. Even if I didn’t want to get off on the best possible foot with Lana, I’d still cancel everything for a chance to spend a few hours singing with her.

“Roy will give you all the details. Thanks, kid.”

Kid. Jesus. So much for me beginning to think of us as equals.

“You’ve got the right stuff. Any fool can see that.”

Oh, fuck. There’s the blush. Damn you, pale Irish skin. The last thing I wanted was to blush in front of Lana Lynch. Luckily, it’s completely dark, and where we’re standing is not well lit.

“Thanks,” I mumble.

Lana just nods, then walks off.

Even though I take a few deep breaths, I’m still beside myself when I join my bandmates. I tell them what Lana asked.

“No freaking way,” Jess says. “Why can’t I sing like you, darn it.” Jess has always refused to swear with us.

“Fuck. You’re going to be on stage with them.” Tim is practically jumping up and down.

“It’s not a done deal yet,” I say. “Going over to Lana’s tomorrow is more like an audition than anything else.”

“Give yourself a break, Cleo,” Daphne says. “Lana knows what you can do with your voice. You must have impressed her tonight. That’s why she asked you. Besides, they’d be crazy not to put that song on their set list. It’s been at the top of the charts for months. It’s probably the reason they’re touring again.”

“We’ll see.” Heat glows within me. I can’t wait for tomorrow. “Drinks are on me tonight. Come on.”

We head to our favorite Silver Lake hangout spot, where I try to calm my nerves with way too many shots.

<<End of preview>>

The Duet will be available on Wednesday 4 May 2022 from all retailers.
The audio, narrated by Abby Craden, will follow later this year.

PREVIEW: And Then She Kissed Me

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And Then She Kissed Me by Harper Bliss

And Then She Kissed Me will be out on 27 January 2022.

You can pre-order the ebook here >>

Here’s a preview. Enjoy!

And Then She Kissed Me
© Harper Bliss

CHAPTER ONE
SADIE

“Look what the cat dragged in.” My brother grins at me from behind the bar. “If it isn’t Hollywood’s finest TV cop.”

“Happy birthday, Sam.” I head toward him with widespread arms. “It’s good to see you.”

“Ditto and ditto.” Sam gathers me in his arms. “Are you ready for an epic party?”

I want to shake my head. I’m tired after having finished the relentless, against-the-clock period of shooting that always happens before the yearly hiatus of our show. I’d much rather have a quiet drink with my twin brother to celebrate our fortieth birthday, but that’s not Sam’s style and I don’t want to be a downer from the get-go.

“Sure.” I step back to get a good look at him. Owning The Bay beach bar doesn’t seem to have affected his wholesome North-Cali surfer boy looks. His skin is golden brown, his hair streaked with sunlit blond highlights, and his body looks as trim as it was when we were in our senior year of high school.

The door to the back room swings open and a blonde girl who doesn’t look a day over twenty-one walks out. My mind races to what has always been the obvious conclusion—that she’s my brother’s latest age-inappropriate conquest—but Sam swiftly puts me straight.

“This is Cassidy, my most valued employee.”

Cassidy brings her hands to her mouth. “Wow. Sadie Ireland in the flesh. It’s such an honor.” She holds out her hand. “I adore King & Prince. I watch it all the time.”

I’m of half a mind to tell her that the very last scenes ever with both King and Prince were shot last week, but I’m contractually forbidden from doing so.

“Thank you.” Since Cassidy is my brother’s employee—and possibly more than that—I shake her hand warmly.

“Will you be in town a while?” Cassidy asks.

“I might very well be.” I catch my brother’s gaze. I’ll be staying with him to recover from what has been an emotionally draining ten months of divorcing my co-star while simultaneously shooting a show together.

“I’ll see you around then.” Cassidy isn’t the lingering type of fangirl, then. She disappears into the back room again.

I shoot my brother a look that can’t be misinterpreted.

“It’s not what you think,” he says. “She’s the best employee I’ve ever had and I’m not about to mess that up.”

“How old is she?”

“Old enough to work in a bar,” is all he says.

Noise comes from the back. A car door slams shut, and I hear animated voices.

“That must be the caterers,” Sam says. “You relax with a beer on the deck. Look out over the ocean and contemplate the first forty years of your life.” He runs a hand through his thick hair. The man doesn’t look a day over thirty.

He reaches into the fridge behind him, takes out a bottle, twists off the cap, and hands it to me.

“Do you honestly believe that anyone who works on-screen in Hollywood actually drinks beer?” We’ve had this conversation many times.

“You’re forty today and recently divorced. Have the beer. Take all the comfort you can find.”

“Sam!” someone shouts from the back.

“I know I’m only twenty minutes older than you, but do as I say, anyway.” With that, he turns around and disappears through the door to the back, leaving me alone in the bar.

I head out, beer in hand, and take a seat on a stool lining the deck, overlooking the waves. I drag my gaze away from the sea for a minute to study the bottle I’m holding. The beer is called Surfer Juice IPA, which probably means it sells well in these parts. I scan the label to see if any new local breweries have sprouted up since I last visited. Lennox Breweries. Not a small-batch local brew then.

I take a sip. I haven’t had a beer in months—not since Sam came to Los Angeles for a few weeks last March to support me through the worst of the fall-out after my divorce from Mike. Sometimes, when you’re being chased by paps, you need your twin brother’s ridiculously muscular arm around you to shield you from the never-ending scrutiny.

The beer tastes crisp and light and I feel myself relax. It’s hard not to with this view. It’s quiet on the boardwalk between the bar and the beach—the calm before the big birthday storm Sam has planned, no doubt.

It suddenly hits me that I didn’t offer to help Sam and Cassidy set up for the party. I’m about to go back in to offer my services when I hear footsteps approach.

“I came straight from work,” Suzy, my older sister, says, followed by a shriek worthy of a teenage girl at a boy band concert.

I get up to hug her, using the time it takes to throw my arms around her to remember what Suzy’s current job is. Even though we speak on the phone several times a week, it’s hard to keep up with my sister’s employment—a bit like Sam and his women. My sister’s quest for the ultimate professional fulfillment has had her job-hopping for decades.

“I did my first solo coaching call,” Suzy says as I sink into her embrace.

Oh, yes. She works as some sort of life coach on the internet. 

“I knocked it out of the park with my quick thinking skills. My boss was so complimentary after, I could hardly believe it.”

I let my sister rattle on for as long as she likes. It’s her thing. The first ten minutes of any conversation between us are spent exactly like this until she’s gotten everything that’s on her mind off her chest. After which she fixes her gaze on me, and asks me, the way I imagine she asks her clients, how I’m doing and what I’m struggling with these days. Come to think of it, maybe life coach is a great profession for Suzy.

“We are complete.” Sam has ventured outside.

“Oh, Sam,” Suzy says. “I invited Devon last-minute. I hope that’s okay.” 

“The more, the merrier,” Sam says. “You know that.” 

“Sam’s convinced tonight will be epic,” Suzy says.

“You only turn forty once,” Sam replies. “And I’m not the only one.”

I missed our joint thirtieth birthday party because of reshoots that couldn’t possibly be rescheduled and our thirty-fifth because, that season, a few episodes of King & Prince were shot on location in Mexico. But fifteen years on the same prime-time TV show have earned me, alongside the habitual executive producer credit, a bit more say over my schedule. I made it abundantly clear I wouldn’t miss another big birthday party because of the show’s shooting schedule.

“To an epic party with my two favorite people in the world.” I hold up my half-empty beer.

I let my gaze glide over Suzy and Sam. They fall into their easy brother-sister banter. I lean against the railing and, with the ocean behind me and my brother and sister within touching distance in front of me, I revel in the soothing sensation of coming home.

I need it now more than ever.

CHAPTER TWO
DEVON

Sam and Sadie’s party is in full swing when I arrive. I spot a lot of familiar faces, but I’m here for one face in particular. I can see Sadie on my TV screen whenever I want these days, but it’s been years since I’ve seen her in the flesh. When Suzy invited me earlier today, I didn’t have to think twice about accepting. I consider myself a down-to-earth person—you have to be in my profession—but Sadie Ireland has always been the exception to any rule I’ve ever set myself.

I make my way through the throng of people on the deck. I hear two guys I know talking about catching some waves in the morning. I give them a nod of recognition. I try to ignore the coil of nerves in my stomach, even though I know better than most how futile it is to try not to feel your feelings. But again—Sadie’s the exception to everything.

I spot Suzy first. She’s part of a circle of people that have gathered around Sam and Sadie, as if they’re holding court. Suzy’s usually the center of every circle, but maybe she’s happy to surrender the spotlight to her siblings on their birthday. I know all three Irelands and it has always struck me as odd that, out of the three of them, Sadie ended up the TV star.

Not that she doesn’t have the looks for it—she always had. I lock my gaze on her and it all comes back to me, engulfing me like a dream I’m not sure I ever want to wake up from.

We’re both twenty-four years older now, but the slant of Sadie’s nose and the shape of her eyes are as familiar to me now as they were then.

Sadie has spotted me. She does that thing with her eyes when she glances away at first before her gaze is pulled back, as though she has no other choice but to look at me again.

“Devon!” Suzy must have seen something on her sister’s face because she has turned around and is pulling me toward them. “So glad you came.”

“Happy birthday, Irelands.” I stand around awkwardly because I don’t know whether to kiss them or hug them or, more than anything else, how to behave around Sadie.

Sam opens his arms wide and draws me into a bear hug. I’m not a regular at his bar, but I stop by here often enough, usually for a post-surf morning coffee.

“Happy you could make it,” he mumbles, his words slurring a touch already.

“Thank you so much for having me. I’m sorry I didn’t bring a gift. It was all a bit last minute, but it’s definitely forthcoming.”

“Your presence is your gift.” Sam steps back and I have a full view of Sadie again. Does she even remember that day? Probably not. It meant different things to us. That has always been clear.

“Devon!” Sadie sounds surprised to see me. “Oh, my god!” She opens her arms to me and I walk into her embrace. “Wow,” Sadie whispers when her lips are close to my ear. “What a trip down memory lane.”

I’m partial to tight hugs full of intention, but I only manage a limp pat on Sadie’s shoulders.

“I know.” I send her a smile after I’ve stepped back. “It’s been a minute.” I regroup and turn it on in a way that fools even myself.

Sadie arches up her eyebrows and brings a fingertip to my left arm. “Wow,” she says again. “Those are so incredibly cool.”

“Devon’s the most tattooed life coach around,” Suzy says. “Sadie’s right, by the way. You’re such a cool chick, Dev.”

I chuckle heartily. “Cool is the very last thing I’m feeling right now.” I give Sadie a look so she knows I’m referring to her presence.

“Don’t tell me Sadie’s fame impresses the likes of you.” Suzy brings her hands to her hips, as though scolding me. “That’s not what I signed up for when I hired you as my coach.”

We all have our weaknesses, I think, but can’t possibly say out loud. “It’s not so much the fame that impresses me, but that the girl I used to sit next to in class is now on my television every time I turn it on.”

“Professional hazard,” Sadie says.

“Here.” Sam offers me a bottle of beer. I’m not much of a drinker, but tonight, in the presence of Sadie Ireland, I may very well indulge.

“Here’s to you two.” I hold up the bottle and both Sam and Sadie clink theirs against it. I try to catch Sadie’s gaze as we toast, but it skitters away. Maybe a flash of memory surprised her, too.

“You must have turned forty recently?” Sadie inquires.

“A few months ago.”

“Here’s to you as well, then.” She lifts her bottle again, and this time, she returns my gaze for a split second. Her eyes still have the same bottomless darkness to them. Her smile is still as lopsidedly gorgeous as ever. “You look really good, Devon.”

Heat flashes up my neck. Thank goodness the light is dimmed in the bar. Damn you, fair complexion. Unlike the surfer dudes on the deck, and despite all the time I spend in the water and underneath the California sun, my skin only knows two tones: alabaster white and lobster red.

“Thank you.” More people arrive and want a piece of Sam and especially Sadie. According to Suzy, even though LA is only a six-hour drive south, Sadie doesn’t make it back to Clearwater Bay very often. Also, according to Suzy, Sam is the luckiest of the three Ireland siblings because Sadie bought him a beach house and a bar in his beloved hometown, and he gets to enjoy the fruits of their sister’s labor the most.

“I hope we get to talk some more later,” Sadie says, before she’s swallowed up by a group of people I’m not familiar with.

I lean against the bar and cast my gaze about the place. I see plenty of people I know and should chat with, but my eyes are drawn back to Sadie time and time again. I’d best get a grip. I look away and think of my son, Finn, who should be fast asleep right now at his dad’s. It’s easy enough to picture him in a funny, haphazard sleeping position, which is exactly what I need to pull me out of my Sadie Ireland induced trance.

When I scan the bar again, it’s with different intentions. I fully acknowledge that I have some residual feelings left for Sadie, while I also know that twenty-four years later, they no longer hold any meaning. It’s more nostalgia than anything else. Perhaps mixed with a touch of loneliness. I won’t wallow in either, which is why I decide there and then, as my gaze scours the women in The Bay, to kill two birds with one stone—if I feel less lonely, nostalgia won’t stand much chance either.

As if on cue, the music is turned up. Suzy’s the first to start dancing, pulling her reluctant brother and sister along with her. Both Sam and Sadie retreat to the bar, while Suzy is quickly surrounded by other people more than willing to dance.

A woman I don’t know catches my eyes. She has a few tattoos of her own, which is always a way in. I try to focus on her, but it’s as though an invisible force field radiates from farther down the bar, where Sadie’s standing. I can’t help but look—and I can’t help but melt a little more either. Damn you, nostalgia.

CHAPTER THREE
SADIE

Devon Douglas looks mighty fine in that orange top. It brings out the fire in her hair. Even though I could tell that seeing me rattled her for a moment, she looks like she has it all together. Like she has it all figured out. She has that healthy glow about her that comes with successfully keeping existential dread at bay. I suppose it’s a minimum requirement when you claim you can coach other people at ‘life.’

When Suzy mentioned that she’d invited Devon to the party, I had no idea she was referring to the Devon Douglas. For a while in high school, we were inseparable, until we weren’t. Because that’s how things can go at that age.

I smile at her before taking another swig of beer. I don’t remember how many I’ve had. As soon as I finish one, Sam is there to put another in my hand. I should talk to him about that. But not tonight.

Devon smiles back, and I take it as my cue to walk toward her. By now, most people at the party are over the fact that Sadie Ireland is here. I’m just a TV actor. I’m no Ida Burton or Faye Fleming. People get over being starstruck pretty quickly when they meet me in the flesh—look at Cassidy. Devon’s attention didn’t fade though—but she knew me a long time before there was any talk of King & Prince.

“Hey.” I can’t help but giggle like the teenagers we once were. “Are you having fun?”

“It sure is a trip seeing you again, Sadie.”

“Yeah?”

“Of course.” Devon stares intensely into my eyes.

I know I should say something, but I don’t know what. It’s as if my mind has gone blank. The only other time that happened to me was when I had to act opposite Mike again after we separated. Sometimes, emotions catch up with you despite your rational mind’s best intentions.

“Are you okay?” Devon points to the beer bottle in my hand.

“Sam,” I say, as though that should make it all perfectly clear.

“Want me to finish that for you?” Devon holds out her hand. “It might make for less of a headache in the morning.”

“Sure.” I give Devon my beer and watch how she brings it to her lips and tips the bottle back. For some reason, probably severe inebriation, my gaze is glued to her neck as she swallows.

“How long are you in town for?” Devon asks.

“For the entire hiatus of the show. I’m not doing anything else. Just retreating to my home base and licking my post-divorce wounds.”

“I’d love to meet for coffee sometime. Catch up.”

“I’d love that very much, too.” I tilt my head. “You look… I don’t know. Like the opposite of how I feel. Happy. Like everything is as it should be in your world.”

“Looks can be deceiving. You should know that.”

“Oh, I do. But…”

“It’s okay. Whether you’re Sadie Ireland living it up in Hollywood or Devon Douglas enjoying a quiet life in Clearwater Bay, we all go through good and bad times. It doesn’t matter where you live or what you do for a living.”

“That’s deep for a birthday party.” I’ve drunk too much to come up with even the slightest witty repartee.

“Yeah, I’m sorry.” Everything Devon says sounds so heartfelt. “And I’m sorry you’re going through a tough time.”

Of course, she knows all about my divorce. The entire world knows. By lying low, I hope the attention on my former marriage will die down soon.

“I’m here now, with my family.” Suzy has somehow convinced Sam to stay on the makeshift dance floor—The Bay isn’t exactly a clubbing hotspot. My brother has many talents but moving his body in synch with a musical beat is not one of them. He seems to be having a blast, however. So much so it’s infectious, and I feel like I’m missing out—kind of how I’ve felt about their lives since King & Prince took off and I had less and less time to come home.

“Do you want to dance?” Suddenly, I’m curious to see how Devon moves to the beat. If she can maintain that cool demeanor on the dance floor.

“How can I say no to Sadie Ireland?” She leads the way and, as these things can go at a boozy party, one moment I find myself lamenting my private life, while the next I’m going bananas to a Tina Turner song.

Suzy curls her arm around me and pulls me near. “I’m so glad you’re home, little sis,” she yells in my ear. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too, Suze.” My eyes go watery as I look at her. That must be the beer as well.

“I know what we need.” Sam has approached us.

I groan in anticipation.

“Shots!”

“Shots! Shots! Shots!” Suzy joins in.

I’m having too much fun with my siblings to put up much of a fight. And it’s not as if I have to be on set tomorrow. I’ll have two months to recover from what will be a heinous hangover.

Sam orders shots with a few well-practiced hand gestures and next thing I know, liquor is burning down my throat. So much for letting Devon finish my beer earlier. Speaking of, where is she? She doesn’t seem to partake in the reckless knocking back of shots. She’s moved away from where we are clumsily swaying to the music and is talking to a woman I don’t recognize. Devon’s smiling and the other woman is peering intently at the tattoo sleeves on Devon’s arms.

Next thing I know, I’m being lifted in the air, my legs swinging in front of me.

“Put me down, Sam,” I yell. “I’m forty years old, for crying out loud.”

“Only if you do another shot with me.”

“Oh, what the hell.” Thankfully, he releases me from his hold. My legs wobble when my feet touch back down on solid ground. “I might as well.”

“To you and me, sis.” Sam offers me another shot. “I promise I’ll be on my best behavior while you’re staying with me.”

“Big words, bro. Big words.”

“I’ll try to remember to put the toilet seat down.” He grins at me.

“That’s it?”

“Some other things as well.”

“How about you try not to bring a new woman home every other night? I would really appreciate that.”

“That’s not a promise I can make.” He pulls his face into a forced scowl.

“Of course you can! We can agree on one night a week and I’ll make sure I’m elsewhere. I’ll stay at Suzy’s or Dad’s.”

Sam shakes his head, then his eyes grow wide. I follow the path of his gaze.

“Someone’s getting lucky tonight,” he says.

Devon and the woman are standing very close but it’s not as though they’re doing anything that might indicate they’re ‘getting lucky.’

“They’re just talking.”

“Yeah right. And I’m a virgin.” Sam elbows me in the biceps. “Maybe you’ve been out of flirting practice for too long, but I certainly know it when I see it. Anyway, good for them.”

I stare at Devon and the woman she’s talking to. Are they flirting? And does it matter whether they are? If so, why does it seem to bother me to the extent that I find it hard to look away because I want to see how it ends?

Is it because Devon Douglas isn’t just a girl I went to school with? She’s also the girl who kissed me, out of the blue, on a sunny Wednesday afternoon.

<<End of preview>>

And Then She Kissed Me will be available on Thursday 27 January 2022 from all retailers. (The audio, narrated by Abby Craden, will follow later this year.)

PREVIEW: That Woman Next Door

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That Woman Next Door will be out on 23 September 2021.

You can pre-order the ebook here >>

Here’s a preview. Enjoy!

That Woman Next Door
© Harper Bliss

CHAPTER ONE
MARIE

I kill the engine and stare at the house. It looks so desolate in the middle of winter. Maybe depressing is a better way to describe it. After all, there’s a reason we call it a summer house. Why couldn’t my family have bought a place in Provence, I wonder for the umpteenth time since I started the drive down from Brussels this morning. Along grey road after grey road, with no prospect of any new growth, for months to come. But I didn’t come here for fun. I came to cold, wet, rural Brittany on the first day of the new year with the single purpose of punishing myself. Of looking inside myself to find out if I still have it in me to continue doing what I do after what happened.

I suck in a deep breath and get out of the car. As I lift my suitcase out of the boot, a gust of wind whips up my hair, which I had cut a few days ago to look my best for my self-inflicted exile. To what end? There’s no one here to see me. My mother warned me the internet might be too spotty for a successful Skype connection, after she asked me, again, whether I, a purebred city person, was absolutely certain I wanted to sequester myself in Brittany.

I could have escaped to an exotic beach. Or ventured on a coast-to-coast road trip through the United States. Or embarked on a Scottish castle tour. But I chose wintery Brittany because, for the first time in my life, I’m not choosing excitement. I have to say no to anything thrilling. I have to create the time and space I need to evaluate what has occurred. I need to find out how it could have happened and if it will again.

I know myself. Put me anywhere amongst a group of people and I will pick out the most attractive woman and have her in my bed in no time. Or maybe I’ve lost that skill as well.

It doesn’t matter here. There are no people around. Our house is the only one on this road, although, through the barren trees, I can spot another house around the corner, about a hundred metres away. Distant enough to not have to see or hear the people living there, if anyone lives there at all at this time of year.

I unlock the door and am greeted by a cold blast almost as harsh as the temperature outside. I quickly close the door behind me. At least it looks the way I like—renovated to today’s standards, at my insistence.

I think of my warm, gorgeous apartment overlooking the Ixelles Ponds in Brussels. The light that streams in through the large windows even in winter. I shiver. Up until a few years ago, this house’s only means of heating was a fireplace, which may sound romantic, but is anything but when you run out of logs in the middle of the night. Or when you wake up in the morning and your buttocks nearly freeze to the toilet seat.

But I couldn’t do the kind of penance I’m after in Brussels, surrounded by the luxury of my daily life and the convenience of a city. Something had to be stripped away. Something major had to give. The house in Brittany was the first place that came to mind and here I am, trembling inside my coat, on the dreariest winter day. For some reason, I felt like I needed to arrive on the first day of the new year. As though it matters. As though I have to start an actual prison sentence mandated by the courts instead of this self-inflicted punishment I have chosen.

I switch on the thermostat but keep my coat on. It will take a while before it’s warm enough for me to relax. I transfer the rest of my stuff from the car into the house and unload the groceries I brought. I’ll have oceans of time to dedicate to cooking because there are no food delivery services to the middle of nowhere.

After I’ve dragged my suitcase upstairs and unpacked most of my clothes, I stand in front of the bedroom window. When there are no leaves on the trees, the house around the corner is visible from here. Because I’m already starting to feel like the only person left on the planet, even though I’ve only just arrived, I desperately search for a sign of life inside the house. I don’t see any lights glowing behind the windows, but there’s smoke coming from the chimney. Even though I’ve been coming to Brittany on and off for decades, I have no idea who lives in that house.

I’ve always considered my family’s holiday home a house without neighbours. In summer, it kind of is. When the days are long and the nights warm, and you can sit outside in the lush garden until well after dark, neighbours are of no importance. And I’ve never come here on my own. It’s always been with either family or a short-term love interest—the longer-term kind has never interested me until…

I take a moment to remember the last woman I was with. It was the night before the day everything went wrong. I shake off the memory of Véronique—again—although I know I will have to deal with it at some point. After the investigation into what happened in the operating theatre cleared me, the hospital administrator advised me to see someone to help me process the incident. I chose to take a leave of absence instead. I don’t want anyone’s help. I want to solve this crisis of conscience—and confidence—that’s waging a filthy war inside me by myself. It didn’t feel fair to accept any kind of assistance because for the woman who died on my operating table, there is no more help. For her, it’s all over forever. So why should I deserve any kind of help in dealing with what I did?

The lights in the cottage beyond the trees flickers on. For an instant, I consider switching the bedroom lamp on and off to signal my presence. Instead, I think I might take a walk over there tomorrow.

 

CHAPTER TWO
OLIVIA

My feet hit the treadmill in such a satisfying way today. This is why I run, I think, while my fists pump the air in a rhythmic motion. To feel like I’m flying. To feel strong. To feel like I can do anything. I increase the speed so I can go a little faster, so I can empty my tank. Even though I’ve already run more than seven kilometres, my feet can still easily keep up.

My treadmill sits in front of a window with a view out over the fields at the back of my house. I only ever see animals. Mostly birds and cows. Or my cats, who like to wait for me to open the door for them instead of squeezing through the cat flap—they’re princesses like that.

What the—? Something much larger than Deneuve and Huppert’s furry bodies darkens the window. My already elevated heart rate shoots up a notch. What the hell is happening? I press the red emergency button on the treadmill to make it stop. Who on earth is this person with the audacity to trespass on my property and walk around my house? I’m not expecting any deliveries today. I prefer to group them as much as I can and have them delivered to the supermarket in town, where I can pick them up at my own convenience instead of having my day disturbed by someone showing up at my door.

A woman wrapped in one of those long puffy coats stares at me through the window. She waves as though I’m supposed to know her. I don’t recognise her from the village and I’m certain I’m not related to her—not that any member of my family would show up at my house in the middle of any given Wednesday afternoon.

I wipe the sweat from my forehead. I feel cornered. My first instinct is to leave the room and hide upstairs. She doesn’t look like she’s in distress, although I guess her car could have broken down, her mobile phone might have died, and my house might have been the first one she came across. Maybe she does need help. I take a deep, shuddering breath to pull myself together.

The woman tilts her head. She’s probably wondering why I haven’t opened the door yet. I suppose I no longer have a choice—as if I ever had one. I drape a towel over my shoulders because I’m dripping with sweat. That’s an excellent run ruined. I’m supposed to be in the delightful throes of runner’s high right about now, but thanks to this intruder, I’ve been robbed of the highlight of my day.

I open the door and greet her with an unwelcoming glare. I’m not the type to give strangers a hearty welcome. A fact that’s been held against me many times, yet I haven’t changed.

“Bonjour,” she says. “I’m so sorry to interrupt your run.” She hardly comes across as very apologetic. She looks Parisian with her expensive haircut and cashmere pashmina, but her accent is different. “I arrived at the house around the corner yesterday and I noticed signs of life here.”

“Yes?” This is not making any sense to me at all. The only other house in a five-kilometre radius is a holiday home owned by some rich Belgians who visit a few times over the summer. I’ve never had any dealings with them and none of them have previously bothered me before.

“I just wanted to introduce myself.” The woman extends her hand. “Marie Dievart. Enchantée.”

“Hello.” I give her hand the quickest shake I can. My palms are still sweaty. My body is cooling off too quickly standing in the door like this. None of this is ideal. Least of all this woman who wants something from me that I’m unable to figure out. “Olivia.” As I wipe my sweaty hand on my leggings, a visible shiver runs up my spine. I pull the towel around my shoulders ostentatiously.

“You’ll catch a cold if you don’t cover up,” Marie Dievart says matter-of-factly.

Duh! All I want is to close the door in her face. Wait? Is she expecting me to invite her inside my house?

“Don’t worry. I’m a doctor,” she says, as if that makes any difference.

“Look, I’m sorry, but I need to shower.”

“Oh, okay.” She studies me with an unnerving intensity. “Would you like to come round to my house later for coffee or a glass of wine?”

“What?” Why would she even think that’s what I want? “Who are you again and what are you doing here?”

“I’m so sorry, Olivia.” She has a very personable manner. She looks like she wants to grab my hand again but has decided against it last-minute—thank goodness. “I’ll be staying at my family’s holiday home for a few months, so I figured that would make us neighbours. I thought it only polite to introduce myself formally.”

“A few months? In the middle of winter?” I shiver again. My sweat-drenched top is ice cold against my skin.

Marie nods. “I need the time away from… my life,” she says.

“Okay, well, have a good stay.” I attempt to close the door hoping she’ll get the hint.

“You don’t want to have that glass of wine? I have an amazing Nuits-Saint-Georges waiting to be uncorked.”

A wine snob on top of an abrasive trespasser. I shake my head. “No, but thanks for asking.”

I’m about to close the door on this woman entirely, but she regards me so intently, it’s as though she wants to undo my wish to shut her out just by looking at me. Her eyes are a peculiar kind of green. Her cheekbones are alpine. Oh, I get it. She’s one of those women who is so attractive they’re used to always getting exactly what they want. She probably can’t fathom that I’m not interested in sharing a posh bottle of wine with her.

“I’d hate to have to drink it alone.” Her voice is sweet as honey.

“Shouldn’t have come here on your own then.” I feel something furry rub against my legs. Huppert slips outside and then just sits there, attracting attention—her favourite activity apart from sleeping.

“What a cutie.” Marie crouches down to make Huppert’s acquaintance.

If only Deneuve had decided to come to my rescue. She wouldn’t have any of this. She probably would have swatted Marie Dievart’s perfectly manicured hand away if she’d tried to pet her. But not Huppert, who can’t get enough of the attention. She’s purring, for heaven’s sake. “What’s your name then?” the woman asks my cat, as though she can reply to that question with anything other than a meow.

I need to cut this short. If I stay exposed much longer, I’ll be out with a cold for days, or even worse, bronchitis. Heaven forbid I need to see a doctor. I wouldn’t want to have to call on my new neighbour, while she was the one who made me sick in the first place. That would be too ironic.

“I’ll leave you to it then,” I say, trying to add a polite smile. I can’t help but, very briefly, wonder what I look like to this stranger, with my sweat-drenched clothes and my hair matted against my head. She must be very lonely to be inviting the likes of me to her place.

“Okay. Sure.” She looks like she’s about to admit defeat. She turns to walk away, but before I can close the door properly, she turns to me, and asks, “Is this how everyone here is? Is it a Breton thing, this unwelcoming attitude? Just so I know what to expect for the rest of my stay.”

“You’re asking the wrong person.” As I say it, I’m aware of how utterly rude I’m sounding—and being.

“Clearly.” She does walk away now.

I guess that, once again, I failed to make a new friend. I couldn’t care less.

<<End of preview>>

That Woman Next Door will be available on Thursday 23 September 2021 from all retailers. (The audio, narrated by Abby Craden, will follow later this year.)

 

PREVIEW: About That Kiss

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About That Kiss will be out on 27 July 2021.

Here’s a preview. Enjoy!

About That Kiss
© Harper Bliss

CHAPTER ONE
FAYE

“Tell me again why I’m doing this, darling?” I ask Brandon.

He flicks his long hair behind his shoulder and looks me straight in the eye. “You’re doing it for me, Faye.”

Why this man isn’t an A-list actor yet, I have no idea. He delivers the line with the authenticity of the best in the business.

“That’s right. It’s all for you.” I paint on a smile, which flees my face as the car comes to an abrupt halt.

Brandon waves it off with a flick of his wrist. “Los Angeles traffic.”

My phone buzzes in my pocket. It must be Leslie. She promised she’d call me on the way to the table read. I wonder which of her two top clients she called first—me or Ida Burton?

“Hi, Faye, you’re going to kill it in the read-through. I know it.”

“Thanks, Leslie.”

“I just got off the phone with Ida.” That answers my question then. “She’s looking forward to it a lot.”

“Is she?” Even if she wasn’t, she wouldn’t have told the agent we share. She’s probably as nervous as I am. Three Best Actor Oscars on my mantel don’t make any difference to my trepidation on the way to the very first table read, especially for a movie like this one. It doesn’t help that my co-star, Ida Burton, has four golden statuettes to her name.

“Of course, she is. Everyone’s excited about this. The whole of Hollywood is buzzing.”

“Christ, Leslie. What did you have for breakfast this morning?”

“My usual three espressos,” she says with a level tone.

“Okay.” I could barely stomach the nut-and-berry mix Brandon prepares for me every morning. “Good to know.”

“Call me if you need anything,” Leslie says. “I’m always here for you.”

Because there isn’t that much else to say, we end the conversation. I glance at Brandon for comfort. He isn’t just my personal assistant, but also one of the most entertaining people I know, which says a lot when you work in Hollywood. He’s very good at giving pep talks when I need them, but he also, instinctively, knows when it’s best to shut up.

He leans toward me and puts his hand on my knee. “Playing gay is all the rage these days. And the script is hilarious. For once, it’s not one of those bleak movies where the lesbians stomp through their lives looking like they’re never getting any.” He sends me a smile. “Hollywood has finally realized that lesbians can have a sense of humor too.” He follows up with a chuckle.

“It’s not playing a lesbian that’s got me so wound up. It’s playing one opposite Ida Burton.” In the first half of the movie, my character, Mindy, is straight as an arrow.

“Ida Burton hasn’t been in a hit movie in over a decade. If anything, she should be worried about starring in a movie with you.” He shrugs. “She’s practically B-list now.” He brings a hand in front of his mouth, as though suddenly realizing his utter sacrilege.

“We both know Ida Burton will never come close to being B-list, no matter how little her movies gross.”

“You never know,” Brandon says. “This town can be cruel.”

The car comes to a complete stop. We’ve arrived at the hotel where the A New Day table read is taking place. The driver opens the door for us. I take a deep breath and get out. A member of the production staff is waiting for me. I follow her inside, Brandon hot on my heels.

The first person I recognize is Charlie, who’s basically to blame for all of this. Not only did she co-write the script, but me being her wife’s maid of honor at their wedding last year would have made me look like a stone-cold hypocrite if I’d refused to take this part because it’s a lesbian movie.

Charlie’s basically jumping out of her skin with excitement. She hugs me tightly and the nervous tension shimmers in her muscles.

“You look like a million bucks, Faye,” she says.

Before I can thank her, the energy in the room changes. That can only mean one thing. The great Ida Burton has arrived. I turn around and am met with her famously blinding smile. Even I, not exactly a B-lister myself, am momentarily dazed by it. What is it with this woman and her smile?

Admittedly, in one of my lesser moments, I once tried to emulate it in front of the mirror, but a smile of such radiance and assurance is not something that can be taught, nor practiced. Ida Burton was born with it and she’s made a damn good career out of it. Add to that a luxurious mass of copper-colored curly hair, brown Bambi eyes, and a voice to melt the sturdiest of glaciers, and you have the marvelous Ida Burton. It’s hard not to feel as though I’m standing in her shadow.

After saying a few quick hellos, she walks straight toward me.

“Faye. Hiiii!” Ida sounds as though seeing me is the highlight of her year.

“Ida.” We exchange two featherlight cheek kisses. “I’ve been looking forward to this.” It’s not a lie. I have. Maybe not the feeling of having to play second fiddle to Ida, but working on this hot-as-hell movie.

“So have I.” She flashes me that smile again. How can her skin look so impossibly smooth? We’re about the same age, but Ida makes me feel like I’m at least ten years her senior.

“Ladies.” Tamara, the director, has joined us. “It’s so good to see you again. I’m raring to go. You have no idea.” She points at two chairs next to each other. “Those are your seats. We’ll start in fifteen minutes. Refreshments are over there.” She nods in the direction of the buffet. “I’m here if you have any questions.” She takes a step back. “I’ll let you acclimatize first.”

Behind me, Brandon is whispering with Ida’s assistant, Mark, whom he has told me all about because they had a thing once. Brandon likes to keep me apprised of his love life. Maybe he thinks it somehow makes up for the lack of romance I have in my own life.

For the past twenty years, I’ve always been the biggest star in the room at a table read, and it has fallen upon me to put my co-stars at ease. Today, I’m not sure this task is up to me.

“I’m a little nervous.” Ida surprises me. “I think this could be a great movie, but… well, I’ve seen things go horribly wrong before, no matter how promising the screenplay.”

She’s wearing a beige top that accentuates the fiery color of her hair. Even though she’s dressed quite casually in slacks and said top, a glow seems to emanate from her. An effortless star quality. 

“This seems like the kind of project the studio would want to keep a tight grip on.”

“We can only do what’s required of us,” Ida says.

“Play gay,” I lamely joke.

Ida shuffles her weight around. “Correct.” She pins her gaze on me. “I was really thrilled to hear you were on board. Even though it really shouldn’t be, it’s still a risk to play a part like this. Especially for someone like you.”

“Not just me.” I emit a nervous chuckle. “For you as well, no doubt.”

“For both of us then,” she confirms and quirks up the corner of her mouth. “We should have dinner. Discuss our characters and their emotional arcs.”

“Uh, yeah. Sure. We should.”

“I’ll have my guy call your guy.” She eyes our PAs. “I assume you know they have history?”

I nod. “In the greatest detail.” My smile, though wide and generous, feels lacking compared to hers.

“Oh, God. Does he tell you everything as well? Mark does too. The latest is that he’s ready to settle down. Maybe he and his new man will start a family and he won’t have time to be my assistant anymore.”

The things we worry about, I think, although I recognize her attachment to her assistant. I’ve worked with Brandon for almost ten years, which is a lifetime in assistant years. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if he left, even though I would be the first to urge him to try for greater things than being at my beck and call.

“His life—” I say.

“I really—” she starts at the same time.

“You go first.” Despite all the glamour that surrounds her, Ida is refreshingly down-to-earth.

“I really enjoyed your performance in Day Break,” she says. “I see another Oscar in your future.”

I wave her off because that’s what you’re meant to do, even though ever since that movie premiered, all I’ve heard is chatter about winning an Oscar for it. If I could get an actual man called Oscar for it, that would be a million times better than another statue in my living room. A statue doesn’t give me affection, nor does it reply when I address it.

“What was it like working with Silke Meisner?”

“Amazing.” That’s Hollywood-speak for grueling but just rewarding enough in the end. I’m sure Ida has been through the same and if there’s one person in this room who will catch my drift, it’s her.

She nods thoughtfully. “Tell me all about it when you come to dinner.”

“Sure.”

She cocks her head. “Things are going to get quite intimate between us on set.” Her voice does a funny thing.

“Just a bit of mild kissing.” I try to sound casual. Apart from a girl I pecked on the lips decades ago, I have zero experience kissing women, although I can’t imagine it being much different from kissing a male co-star. But the first woman I’m ever going to kiss properly, albeit for the sake of make-believe, is Ida Burton.

She erupts into a chuckle. “Good to know you’re cool with that.”

“I wouldn’t be doing this movie if I weren’t.” And I would be a flaming homophobe, my friend Ava told me in no uncertain terms.

“Ladies,” the director approaches us again. “Ready when you are.”

 

CHAPTER TWO
IDA

Does anyone notice how I’m dying on the inside? How I’m regretting taking this part? How my dubious ulterior motive is already catching up with me big time?

Faye Fleming sits beside me in all her girl-next-door glory, although she’s hardly a girl anymore. Still, as she has aged, she’s managed to maintain the image of the all-American, wholesome, funny-but-serious-when-needed girl/woman. I guess of all the people gathered here, she and I might become the closest. How long will it take her to figure out my secret?

“Ida,” Tamara says, “would you like to give us your thoughts on your character? Or do you want to launch straight into the read?”

Ah, my character. An out-and-proud lesbian. If only I could express my true feelings about Veronica to the room.

“Sure.” I’ve prepared for this. I know exactly what to say so as not to cast any suspicion on myself. “I see Veronica as a successful but, ultimately, lonely woman who is starved of love.” At times, while I was reading the script, I wondered if the writers had been able to glimpse right into the center of my own lonesome heart. “Her brother’s fourth wedding sparks this unbridled rage in her, as though all the love in her family, and the world even, is reserved for him, just because he’s straight.” I pause. “She’s so consumed by anger and jealousy that she doesn’t even notice that her own chance at love is staring her right in the face. She needs to get over that, and some other things, of course. Crack a few jokes along the way.” I insert a chuckle. My inadequate synopsis does not do justice to the script, which is, apart from being a lesbian romantic comedy, also a sharply funny critique on the institution of marriage.

“Charlie? Liz?” Tamara says. “Does that sound about right to you?”

“Perfect,” a blond woman with huge round eyes says. The one sitting next to her, who was all over the news five years ago when she started an affair with Ava Castaneda, nods and sends me a nervous smile. I should be the one smiling timidly at her. For all my money, she has something I’ve never been able to afford.

“Great,” Tamara says. “We’ll come back to this later, if needed. Faye, shall we move on to your character?”

“My character doesn’t have a clue,” Faye says, eliciting her first and surely not her last round of easy laughs. Why Faye is playing the more uptight character in this movie, I have no idea. That’s why it’s called acting, I suppose.

* * *

The read-through of the first act is easy enough. Faye and I play off each other with a comfort I’ve rarely experienced this quickly, as if we’ve starred together countless times before.

During the break before we run through the second act, Tamara walks up to me.

“The chemistry between you and Faye is off the charts already,” she says, “and we haven’t even gotten to the good bits yet.”

There’s a moment in the second act that I’ve been dreading. My character, Veronica, needs to look Faye’s character in the eye and realize something significant that alters the course of events. It’s not something I would usually have an issue with conveying, nor is it required that I display all of that complex emotion at a table read, but still. It all hits a little too close to home. Today, I’ll be able to muddle through, but I don’t know how I’m going to approach it at rehearsals. But that’s exactly what rehearsals are for, I comfort myself. To figure out that kind of stuff.

“Thanks.” I take the opportunity to get a good look at Tamara. No doubt she’s one of the hottest directors I’ve worked with, what with ninety percent of the ones I’ve previously collaborated with having been male. But it’s not because the bar is low that Tamara isn’t, objectively speaking, highly attractive. On top of that, just like my character, she’s out and proud like nobody’s business. These days, that can get you a top job behind the camera in Hollywood. How things have changed.

Someone calls for her and as she walks away, I make a mental note to ask Mark whether Tamara’s love life is happier than my character’s—or mine.

When I sit next to Faye again, with her long dark hair and pale complexion, her eyes as blue as the midday sky outside, I try to center myself and remember the reasons why I said yes to this project. 

There are many and I list them in my head. This movie is being touted as next summer’s big blockbuster and I haven’t been part of one of those in a long time. My name next to Faye Fleming’s should add up to more than the sum of its parts. Maybe, by playing an out character, I can finally force myself out of the closet. Maybe I won’t even have to. Maybe the buzz surrounding the movie will create some sort of magic momentum that will naturally propel me out and make it so that it has always just been plain obvious.

Fat chance of that.

I make quick work of having to look Faye in the eye—just a swift glance will have to do. Today isn’t about looks and gestures and emotions. It’s about making sure the words sound right as they come out of our mouths.

I already know Faye is an accomplished actor, but even more than that, she’s a calming presence by my side. She comes across as self-confident and easy-going and I have no way of knowing whether she’s acting or not, but in the end, it doesn’t matter. The overall vibe is that she will be easy to work with. No diva allures whatsoever. It must be the girl-next-door thing. Maybe she’s made it part of her real-life persona as well as her image. Imagine if Faye Fleming had to bust out of the closet. The thought appears to be too much for my brain.

“Sparks are flying,” Tamara says after we’ve finished. “Can’t wait for the actual shoot.”

* * *

“How was it?” Derek, my best friend and ex-husband asks when I call him on the way home.

“Good.” I sink into the leather car seat. “Although I forgot how utterly exhausting table reads are.”

“You go through the emotions of the entire movie in one day,” he says. “It’s to be expected.”

I asked Derek to read the script before I said yes to the movie.

“How was Faye Fleming?” he asks.

“Lovely, also as to be expected.” So far, I can’t say a bad word about my co-star. She was gracious and wonderful to be around all day long, even during the final exhausting hours. “I’ll have her over for dinner soon, so we can get to know each other better before we start rehearsals.”

“Before you kiss her, you mean,” my ex-husband says.

Derek is one of the only people on this planet who knows my secret. As I was once the only person who knew his.

“Very funny.”

“I’m just teasing, although you could have worse prospects.” He’s not one to let things go easily.

“The director’s quite hot, actually.” Derek’s the only person I can talk to about these things.

“Tell me more.” Although Derek and I were never in love, we have a deep fondness for one another and I know that what he wants for me more than anything else is to find true love the way he has with his boyfriend, Ben.

“I haven’t done my research yet and, well, you know…”

“I know this movie has the potential to change your life. What’s this director’s name again? I’ll do a quick search for you.”

“Tamara Williams, but no need. I’m perfectly capable of googling the details of her personal life myself.”

“But it’s more fun when I do it.” There’s a short pause, before Derek speaks again. “It says here she’s married. Sorry, sweetie.”

“Oh well, perhaps it’s for the best.”

“I see that differently, but we all need the time we need…”

We say our goodbyes and as my car glides up Mulholland, I vividly remember the statement I put out after Derek came out of the closet.

I wish Derek all the luck and love in the world. We had a wonderful marriage and we remain the best of friends. I know this new path he has chosen in life will make him very happy.

I got a lot of flak at the time for using the phrase ‘the new path he has chosen in life’, as though I meant to say that him being gay was a choice. If only it were—then I wouldn’t have had to hide in the corner of a stifling closet for the better part of my life.

What I meant was that he had chosen to end our marriage and no longer pretend he was straight. And no longer care about the repercussions on his career. The hoops I had to jump through to explain that. Yes, my choice of words was poor, and no, I did not mean all the things that the wave of social media outrage claimed I did.

Perhaps I should have taken the opportunity to come out there and then, but I didn’t. Because, unlike Derek, I do care about the effect it would have on my career—at least I used to. Seeing Derek blossom into the proud and confident man he is today with Ben by his side has made me aware of the possible error of my ways. How could it not while I’m the one who remains single in my golden cage of a Hollywood Hills mansion?

When this car drops me off, no one will be waiting for me. Mark has gone home for the day. In my absence, my house will have been scrubbed clean and my lawn will have been cut and my pool will have been cleaned, and for what? 

That’s why I’ve chosen to do this movie. That’s why I’ve chosen to play an out character, hoping that it will become one of those cases of life imitating art.

This is Hollywood and far stranger things have happened.

<<End of preview>>

About That Kiss will be available on Tuesday 27 July 2021 from all retailers. (The audio, narrated by Abby Craden, will follow later this year.)

 

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